Parenting

Over the past week I have had multiple conversations about parenting styles. I must make note here that I have certain expectations of children and what they are 1) capable of 2) what is expected of them. This post is not only an observation of what I’ve notice in trends these days but also I hope that it will serve as a reminder in the future of what I’ve seen and how I thought the situation should be handled. I’m sure that parents want to hold onto the idea that their child will do no wrong, or is incapable of behaving badly but I remember the stuff that I got away with because my parents were oblivious to what I was capable of, my kids won’t fare so well.

You see, I think that children are too spoiled these days. They are given freedom too early in life, their parents are more concerned with being liked than they are with being a guiding force in the lives of their kids. I have a friend, who has a 16 year old daughter; her daughter basically runs her life. My friend is constantly chauffeuring this girl to and from her boyfriend’s house, so much so that she can’t even enjoy an evening with friends because she is constantly looking at her watch to see if she is supposed to be leaving to fetch her daughter.  I have a problem with this for a few reasons: 1) The girl has more than one D on her report card (one would be enough in my house to be restricted) 2) The boyfriend is two years older and has tattoos and earrings (yes, this might be judgmental but…) 3) When did boys stop picking the girl up for a date and returning her home? 

I think that my friend has lost it. I’ve told her that she is an enabler and that none of this would be happening if she didn’t allow it but she just makes excuses for the girl, “it’s her first relationship/ we’re moving soon, they only have four more weeks together / they don’t know how the train system works, etc.” Her husband on the other hand sees things the way that I do but for some reason unknown to me he won’t hold his ground. They argue about it but it always seems to go in the direction that the daughter wants it to and I think that it is because Mom doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Unfortunately that makes Dad the bad guy. I think that this will lead to a bad relationship between the father and daughter for a long time to come.

I’m not writing this post to bash my friend. I’m writing it because I think that parenting is like a slow dance between partners. I think that if the parents aren’t in sync, then like in dancing, someone’s toes are going to get stepped on.  I think that parents are doing a disservice to their children when they try to be their friend and not the guiding light in their life. Children need guidance and an explanation as to why things are the way they are, they need protection. Sometimes that protection is from others and sometimes it is from themselves.  Children aren’t always able to make the right decision, they are more interested in having fun then working on their grades, they would prefer to be with their friends instead of with the books, but as the adult in their life we need to take the reins and drive them in the right direction.  This might lead to disappointment or even a few cross words but it will teach the child that they won’t always get what they want, something’s are earned and others are privileges, that not everything in life is going to go their way. I think that today’s youth is spoiled, they are allowed to get away with way too much, and they aren’t being taught manners or what it is like to work for something. I hope that I can at least teach my children what that is all about.