Role Models

My Mom after her 1st Full Marathon, My HERO

As I ran the Mannheim ½ Marathon I got to thinking about heroes and role models. I thought about how when we are children we read stories about heroes, princesses and princes, knights in shining armor, dragon slayers, etc. The list is unending, but who are the people that really made a difference in our lives? Our parents, our teachers, the neighbors, our friend’s parents, our parent’s friends. I think about the people that are considered role models today and it scares me. I worry for future generations when today’s role models consist of teen pop stars that wear too little clothing, drink underage, go to jail, and make bad decisions publicly. I hope that I can ensure that Clark has a surplus of good role models in his life.



My Dad, the man that taught me how to be an active parent.

You see, before the race started I got to watch as my friend’s husband interacted with our other friend’s children, how he made up superhero names with them, how he fed into their imaginations, how their eyes sparkled when they talked to him and when their make believe scenarios weren’t crushed by some adult that refused to entertain their childish thoughts. I watched in awe. I’m glad to know that there are adults out there that can embrace their inner child, even if only for a few minutes, to be a hero to a kid.

So while I ran I wondered who would be Clark’s hero? Who will his role model be? I certainly hope that it is his father and me, but I hope that there are other adults out there that will encourage his imagination, that will guide him in the right direction. Lord knows that there are going to be plenty of people in his life’s path that will want to lead him in the wrong direction, there will be people that will do so even though that isn’t their intention, but I hope that there are more role models providing respectable and wholesome events in his life than bad.

I think that the reason the run provided me time to think about this subject was, not only because it was so long and we were out there FOREVER, because on the side of the road were children of all ages watching as we passed. These children were our cheering section; they clapped, yelled, beat drums, and held their hands out to give high fives. I wasn’t able to high five every child that I came across but I slapped every hand that was close enough. I watched as some of the runners would just pass those tiny little hands without even a second thought. It made me grimace. I mean really people? You are running the same pace as me, maybe a little faster, so I know you aren’t winning this thing! Sticking your freaking hand out to the side isn’t going to slow you down any, what is the harm in making that kid feel like they are contributing?  Those kids made my day! LITERALLY! I don’t think that I would have made it without them. 

My Sister, an amazing role model

As I slapped high fives with a little girl I wondered if she too would one day become a runner, if she would catch the running bug from me as I trotted past or would she be disheartened by all of those runners that didn’t take the time to show their appreciation? I can’t wait to take Clark to a race, one that he can sit on the side and high five runners of all ages and genders.  I can’t wait until he sees that his mommy and daddy are amongst those runners that give high fives. I hope that he too will catch the running bug. If not, I won’t love him any less but I hope that even if he doesn’t catch the bug he still supports the people that do. I hope that by giving a high five to those kids I was a role model for them, someone that didn’t crush their hopes, and someone that appreciated their support even if they didn’t realize that they were the ones that were so important on that day.

Conquering Fear, I hope Clark will too.

I hope that I can be a role model to the children that I come in contact with, someone that they can learn from, respect, trust, and confide in. Do you know of any great role models for children these days?

Parenting

Over the past week I have had multiple conversations about parenting styles. I must make note here that I have certain expectations of children and what they are 1) capable of 2) what is expected of them. This post is not only an observation of what I’ve notice in trends these days but also I hope that it will serve as a reminder in the future of what I’ve seen and how I thought the situation should be handled. I’m sure that parents want to hold onto the idea that their child will do no wrong, or is incapable of behaving badly but I remember the stuff that I got away with because my parents were oblivious to what I was capable of, my kids won’t fare so well.

You see, I think that children are too spoiled these days. They are given freedom too early in life, their parents are more concerned with being liked than they are with being a guiding force in the lives of their kids. I have a friend, who has a 16 year old daughter; her daughter basically runs her life. My friend is constantly chauffeuring this girl to and from her boyfriend’s house, so much so that she can’t even enjoy an evening with friends because she is constantly looking at her watch to see if she is supposed to be leaving to fetch her daughter.  I have a problem with this for a few reasons: 1) The girl has more than one D on her report card (one would be enough in my house to be restricted) 2) The boyfriend is two years older and has tattoos and earrings (yes, this might be judgmental but…) 3) When did boys stop picking the girl up for a date and returning her home? 

I think that my friend has lost it. I’ve told her that she is an enabler and that none of this would be happening if she didn’t allow it but she just makes excuses for the girl, “it’s her first relationship/ we’re moving soon, they only have four more weeks together / they don’t know how the train system works, etc.” Her husband on the other hand sees things the way that I do but for some reason unknown to me he won’t hold his ground. They argue about it but it always seems to go in the direction that the daughter wants it to and I think that it is because Mom doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Unfortunately that makes Dad the bad guy. I think that this will lead to a bad relationship between the father and daughter for a long time to come.

I’m not writing this post to bash my friend. I’m writing it because I think that parenting is like a slow dance between partners. I think that if the parents aren’t in sync, then like in dancing, someone’s toes are going to get stepped on.  I think that parents are doing a disservice to their children when they try to be their friend and not the guiding light in their life. Children need guidance and an explanation as to why things are the way they are, they need protection. Sometimes that protection is from others and sometimes it is from themselves.  Children aren’t always able to make the right decision, they are more interested in having fun then working on their grades, they would prefer to be with their friends instead of with the books, but as the adult in their life we need to take the reins and drive them in the right direction.  This might lead to disappointment or even a few cross words but it will teach the child that they won’t always get what they want, something’s are earned and others are privileges, that not everything in life is going to go their way. I think that today’s youth is spoiled, they are allowed to get away with way too much, and they aren’t being taught manners or what it is like to work for something. I hope that I can at least teach my children what that is all about.

Unannounced Visitors

Buddy Frazzled...

As I finished cleaning my kitchen this morning, after already doing the laundry, dusting, feeding the baby, skyping my mom, and sneaking in breakfast, I wondered to myself “why doesn’t anyone just ‘drop by’ just after I’ve made my house spotless?”  Why must there always be an unannounced knock at the door when my house is absolutely disheveled?  Granted, my house doesn’t stay spotless for long after I clean it because something about a tidy kitchen makes me want to bake and then there is no telling what it might look like. Really though, my house is spic and span right now and there won’t be a soul knocking at that door.

Yesterday the house was blitzed and there were two different unannounced visitors. What happens when they show up? Well that is when I start to sweat excessively, my hands get clammy, and I start to apologize uncontrollably for the mess that they are walking into. It goes like this: “Hey, how is it going? Come on in, please excuse the mess, we were just…” There is no telling what will follow the just… Usually something about starting to clean or in the middle of cleaning, but if I were being honest with them I would say, “ignoring the mess that has encompassed our kitchen, dining room, living room, and well basically the rest of the house and we were hoping that it would magically clean itself because it is Sunday and we would rather be screwing off than cleaning, we’d rather be getting it on than getting to work, ya know?”

Then I start to wonder, why do I find it reasonable to apologize to people for my “messy” house when they show up unannounced? They are the ones that are presuming that we are available for their entertainment or are just dropping in to borrow, beg, or steal. Not that I’m totally against people coming over, I just wish that they would call first. You know, give the ole heads up. I mean really, what would they do if I answered the door in my birthday suit with a whisk and broom in my hand and said, “now isn’t a good time; we’re in the middle of something.”

I find myself ashamed when people just drop by and the house and I aren’t in a magazine ready state. I’m sure that this is just a personal insecurity but it does interfere with my mental state when people drop in. I should just remember that in reality, my house is lived in. I haven’t swept because I have been playing with my son, my face isn’t perfect because my five month old is much more fun to look at than the mirror these days. I’ve decidedly stopped caring if my eyebrows aren’t arched…

I should not be the one apologizing anyway! If someone has just dropped by without invitation and without a heads up then guess what, they are getting the real deal. If they don’t like it then they can just keep on driving. Ha! Yeah right! I am sure that I will continue to apologize and make excuses and get frazzled because I feel inadequate but I am going to try and reduce the apologies and the angst that I feel when it happens.

Do you get frazzled when people just ‘drop in’ on you?

Impromptu Party...

Clark with one of our friends, not the tequila culprit...

So Travis and I were invited to a picnic to hang out with one of our friends that has moved back to the good ole US of A and was making a short appearance in our neck of the woods. YAY!

Well a few days prior to the scheduled event I happened to check the weather for the big day and noticed that it was going to be cruddy out.  I sent a quick email out to the event organizer and all of our other friends that were going to be at the picnic asking about a contingency plan... No Reply. What ever...

So we all head out to the park for the picnic, it is less than 50 F out and cloudy, I've bundled the baby up like the kid off of "A Christmas Story" and have cut cheese, sausage, and made dip. Travis and I get there to hang out with everyone for all of forty-five minutes and then the sky opens up and the rain comes down. Contingency Plan??? Nope still nothing.

One of our friends offers up their apartment to go hang out in. "Um... there are 25 people out here and you have the European apartment the size of a shoe box." This just came out of my husbands mouth... I instantly have the look of fear come over my face. I know exactly what is about to follow... "Why don't you all come over to our house, we can light up the grill and hang out there?!?"

FU&*)*(*&(*&(*&(&&(&(*!!!! That's right, I am married to the nicest guy on the planet, the guy that offers up his house to his friends, the guy that doesn't check with his wife first because he forgot they have a baby and she is tired and that "Party Throwing" Jack left the building mid November... I suck it up. I will allow it because we haven't seen our friend for some time and because everyone got together to celebrate her... Sure Come On Over...

So everyone converges on our house and we lock the dogs up and pull out snack food and pull out the cooler and stock the fridge with beer, etc... All goes well, they don't stay too terribly late (by non baby standards, because if they knew what life was like for people with a baby they would have left at 730) and my house is relatively clean (as far as parties go).

But then the next day arrives and we start to notice that things are strange... 1st, where is the dogs collar? Removed and hidden... WTF???

Next the thing that GOT MY GOAT: Travis says to me, "Let me tell you a story... Last night I heard B ask G, "what are you drinking?" G says crown, B says "EW", G says, "it is better than that crap rum you're drinking." B says, "I'm not drinking rum, I'm drinking tequila."" So Travis goes on to tell me that he didn't think much of the conversation and walked off to do something else... Well apparently he realized after the party was over that B had decided that it would be fine to just open up our $70 bottle of Patron without asking... Are you shitting me? Who does that? Really??? The least he could have done was ask if it was okay... Dude where in the hell are your manners? Your mother would be ashamed, and if she isn't then her mother should be!!!

Have you ever had a party and had people do random things that make you question their sanity or manners?