Life in my new world

I am so far behind I think that I’m first…

Life has been a little hectic around here with a new baby. Trying to get into a schedule is a little more difficult than expected. I have learned some hardcore facts though:

1. Shower when possible. Right after a feeding when the child is in a titty coma, or when daddy has him sleeping on his chest.
2. Sleep: HA, yeah right. Not good sleep, not going to happen. Even when the baby is sleeping I am so paranoid that he isn’t breathing that I can’t sleep well anyway.
3. Caffeine: There isn’t enough to sustain life in this house…
4. Diapers: This kid will poop and then wait to pee until there is a fresh diaper on, change it and he poops the new one… So plan on going through three to four diapers just at the changing table before all is said and done.
5. Loaded Weapon: My son is a loaded weapon. He will pee on anyone or anything you aim him at. He managed to pee on the computer at the doctor’s office. I totally gave him a high five on that one.
6. Testosterone: I need to have a little girl… NOW!!! At any given moment in my house there is a boy 1. Sleeping, 2. Eating 3. Pooping or farting. Between my husband, my son, and my dog I cannot walk into a room without expecting to smell a fart or soiled diaper nor expect to get out of that room without having to provide
some sort of snack or meal for one of the three…
7. Laundry: I seriously thought that I did loads of laundry before… HA HA HA I have officially turned into a stay at home mommy. Before children I wondered what
it was that these women did all day to keep busy. I know now that it is rid their homes of the smell of ass and laundry.

I am quite sure that I have plenty of more lessons in mommyhood coming my way, all of them add to this ever growing lesson in humility that donkey punched me during delivery, so if you are one of those people that I used to be, that turns your nose up at the moms who stay home and take care of their family and still manage to walk out of the house without looking like troll, or hell even the moms that walk out of the house looking like a troll, you should rethink your position because HOLY MOTHER OF GOD… This is the hardest job I’ve ever had.