We last left off with my breakfast pastry giving me the low down on the possible side effects of the epidural…
I sign the paperwork and Croissant gets to relieving me of my pain. He gives me a trial shot to see if the catheter is placed properly, I have to sit on my rear for ten minutes to see if it is going to work. This means that I am going to have to suck up three contractions on my butt, which is like a living nightmare, and then sweet relief!!!
I want to kiss Croissant! I swear to him that if I wasn’t married I
would propose right then and there. He gives me the real deal and then my eyes uncross themselves, I am no longer on the verge of turning into Linda Blair and spewing pea soup from my spinning head, and I am now able to concentrate on the fact that I will be meeting my sweet little boy soon. The best part was that I was given a walking epidural so I was able to walk to the restroom, still in my fashionable panties and tank top, and back. I could do squats and sit on a medicine ball to assist Clark in dropping. I dilated to 9cm within 20 minutes. It was quick!
I asked Jamie to go to my room and get my makeup bag. Travis gave me stink eye and said, “Really? You need makeup? “To which I replied, “yes, we are meeting an important person today; I need to look my best.” The first part was reference to a comment made by the husband of a girl who’s blog I read and I thought it was such a sweet comment; Travis knew what I was referencing. Jamie came back with the makeup, I fixed myself, she braided my hair, and then I was ready to go. Or so I thought…
I started to do squats to help Clark out, as I stood up from a squat I felt like I
needed to go to the bathroom, I said to Jamie, “I need to poop.” Heike had just happened to have walked into the room as I said that, I was a little embarrassed, and she said, “Did you just say you need to poop?” “Um, yes.” Heike started to laugh… I thought that she was just laughing at my silliness again. Nope, she wasn’t. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “you don’t need to poop, you need to have a baby.” “No, really, I just need to poop, I’m sure.” So she said that she would check my progress and then we would see who was right, she had me get on the bed and she checked…
Nope, you need to have a baby. When you get the urge to push, start pushing. So I got in a squatting position to see if that would be a comfortable way to have the baby. Nope. Back on my back, and then Heike made me roll onto my left side and hike my right leg up. She then said it is time to push. So I thought that I’d give it a test run to see if I was pushing the way that I was supposed to and to see if I was going to feel better. That test run put Clark right where he needed to be. We were off…
So at this point Travis is on my left, Jamie on my right, Heike is next to Jamie on the business end of the deal, there are two doctors,one at 1200 and one at 1030 on the business end; they are all telling me to push. I give a fairly decent push and their eyes light up. They all look crazed and are urging me to continue, “GOOD, Keep going, we can see his head!” To which I reply, “I don’t believe you, you’re all lying.” It is starting to hurt when I push but when I stop pushing the urge to continue is stillthere, the pressure is still there, and the desire to go home and take a nap is kicking in.
I look at Travis and say, “I can’t do this.” He replies, “Yes you can; you are doing it.” That irritates me, he doesn’t realize that I’m serious, I really cannot do this. I look down at Heike, “I really don’t think that it is time. I just want to go poop and go home. I will come back tomorrow and we can try again.” She chuckles and says, “no, you are going to push this baby out now.” So I push, they get excited, I push a little harder, more excitement, I rest.
Then one of the doctors decides to give me a pep talk... "It is like running a marathon, you just..." I interupt her, "this is nothing like running a marathon, I've done that! I'll do that again! This is worse! MUCH WORSE!!!"
Here is where the tides turn. Heike tells me, “you need to push when you
feel a contraction.” The problem, I tell her, is that I can no longer feel those contractions because there is just a constant pressure from Clark being lodged in my birth canal. She replies, “so push.” I push and push and push. They all get very excited, “YOU’RE DOING IT. PUSH!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!!” His head is out! I look at Travis and am done, “babe, I can’t do anymore. I’m done.” He leans in close to my face and says, “keep pushing, you’re doing great.” I snap, "GET OUT OF MY FACE!” (I later learn that I simultaneously cocked my right fist back and Jamie thought I was going to cold cock him) He backs up. The room is spinning, the walls are closing in, I push. Through the push I manage to look down and see a flash, the light slicing through the air and shining back on me from sharpened metal. SCISSORS!!! My favorite doctor is holding a pair of effing scissors and she is aiming them at my girl bits! WTF!!!???!!!
I reach for Travis, butt walking up the bed and yelp, “Don’t do it! Don’t cut me! I can’t, I swear, I’ll push!” I go for broke! I push with every ounce of energy I have, thinking that if I push with all of my might she won’t have to cut me. WRONG!!!!! She did it. No local. No warning. No F-you. No flowers. No drinks. No bullshit! She just does it.
Now I am pissed. Not really pissed at the doc or anyone in particular, just pissed. I push harder than I have ever thought imaginable; my face is smooshed partially into the bed and partially into Travis. I feel Clark fly out. I look down, he is a blue baby. They are removing the cord from around his neck, rubbing him with towels to get him to perk up and to give him a little bit of a cleaning off.
I’m on my back so fast it makes my head spin. I am ripping my shirt off and attempting to get my bra off, I want skin to skin contact and I want it NOW!!! I can’t get my bra, it is a sports bra and it is giving me some serious grief, I am fighting with it and finally I bark out, “get this damn thing off of me, I don’t care if you have to cut it off!” Jamie helps me out of it and I start reaching for my baby.They get Clark cleaned off and put him in my arms, I cry…
The doctor asks Travis if he wants to cut the cord. He does. I don’t see any of it, I am staring at my little boy and I can’t get over his little face. He is beautiful! His nose is a bit bruised from labor and he has a few blood vessels busted in his eyes but he is BEAUTIFUL!!!
Jamie says goodbye, she is crying and is walking away spouting something about family time, etc. I don’t argue because I’m engrossed in this little boy that has just changed my world in the blink of an eye. Travis joins us and we just stare at Clark.
I am no longer the same person. The world is no longer the same place.
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